the interview

Darlene Morgan
Dec 27, 2024
8 min read

Updated: Mar 3

On December 9 it was a good day for me. It was a Monday and I worked and when I left work I felt so purposeful and like I'm able to make a difference.

One thing I prayed about for a long time is just being able to use my life experiences as a way to help others, which is the reason why I started my blog and now the YouTube, and by the grace of God, I know he orchestrated this whole thing.

I'm able to do the same thing in my line of work because I work with Parents of teenagers that go through mental health and behavior concerns and challenges.

It is something that I went through myself as a teenager. Given everything that has happened to me as well as the trials to my mom and the tough experiences I saw her go through - those are just ways that I know God allowed it, yet protected us so I would be able to relate to others and be a testament of strength, faith and perseverance. I also copied many attributes my mom did when I began to have relationships with men and as a young adult placed myself in some very irresponsible and risky behaviors.

I wanted to get on here and say thank you so much for reading. When I have a good day, I want to write about it. Part of writing about it is feeling the purpose of contributing to something. I know that we all have a way to contribute to the lives of others, I guess for me personally, sometimes I just feel like I don't know if I am or not.

This probably has a lot to do with my life in particular and some of the terrible things that I've done and that I've had to make up for.

Much of it sticks with me and I don't know if it will ever leave my brain. But God gives us a lot of grace and forgiveness.

It’s something I have to give myself and it’s been a slow process. Especially when crummy things happen, it’s hard not to think about the person you were years ago and wonder if your current hardship is a result of your actions from years ago. It’s a stretch I realize, but there are some behaviors that stay with us - they just aren’t quite as aggressive or prominent anymore. Guess, that’s part of growing up and changing some of these ways of who we are when it is meant to help us be a better version of ourselves.

I think on this day it felt like I am seeing the results of my perseverance and the dedication. I'm really focusing on following Christ and trying to do as He wants me to do. It doesn't mean that I'm never gonna have issues; I know I've said this before so I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but it just means that with God, I can get through things decently and able to tackle them easier. Yes, I preach this often, but I will tell you a secret that is in my head. I am incredibly thankful for what God has taught me and gotten me through - but to be honest - I am not sure how I can handle a really horrible event. Won’t say or give examples. It’s a result of the brain holding information that we don’t want to hold. So you ask, Darlene, why do you even go there? Because, I’m dumb. Kidding. Because my mind is on constant aware. It is who I am. Still … I trust God and pray to Him like mad.

I’ve had to figure out it's either my way or it's God's way. If you're not a believer I'm not gonna tell you that you have to do this in order to be strong. I'm just telling you that He helps get you through all sorts of stuff and the strength we get from Christ is a lot different than our.

It's a strength that comes with less anxiety, less stress and even less depression. I still suffer from those things and it's frustrating. I didn’t realize until recently that I have dealt with those issues for a long time but now that I do - I am able to accept it as part of who I am and for me, I think that's a strength that I didn't know I had.

I actually used to think that including God more in my life would make the anxiety and depression go away; I’ve met people who believe you can pray it away. Who tried to tell me it is from the enemy. So, I would try to force away a part of who I was and it just created tons of anger and fear and other things that did me wrong and everyone around me wrong.

I do not mean to be creating a depressing blog. I don't want it to be that way. And I hope it is not referred to as this way. So - everybody start smiling right now - just smile and say ‘hey, it's OK Darlene you're really depressing at times but I know what you're getting it.’

What am I getting at?

What I am referencing here is about a good day and that is all it is. I used to think years ago that I might never have a ‘normal’ good day. Until, recently I discovered there really aren’t any normal good days.

We have to take what we can get in our 24 hours and make the best of it. Just like my daughter having this opportunity at a job she has always wanted. That is exciting stuff when you consider the past and not being able to see a future like this. A big part of this is the interview itself. A real interview for her. She is just short a year out of high school and I feel like we have come such a long way. That is much to thank God for.

I’ll be honest too about something else. I have mentioned this before and I pray one of these days, I can forget about having to prove myself or that of my daughters. But when we can accomplish something pretty darn cool, I just want to shout to all the naysayers and shake my fist in the air and say, ‘take that!’ I’m not as messed up as you think and I actually never was. I was just afraid, mad and resentful, but I knew exactly what I wanted out of life.

I do feel like single parents need to give ourselves a hug and shout to our small surrounding world that we are doing this! That our work is never done and rarely shared. And when you see little achievements, and you see your sons and daughters getting to that point in life that you didn't know two years ago, three years ago, let alone six years ago that you would even get to - it really is a big deal to us. So, we need to be proud of ourselves. Not in the prideful way, but in the honest to goodness, thank God we are making it. With God, we can do this.

In the last couple months, I’ve had some pretty hard times. I have had to learn how to handle tough days. And I don’t mean by ignoring them, laughing at them, hiding in my room from them, throwing anger at them or above all - using substances to bypass them. I have literally had to figure out how to handle problems by trusting in God. It is a daily practice.

I'm dreading the empty nest syndrome. My girls like doing their own thing more frequently lately and I am beginning to see how much more time I am already having on my own. I am trying to figure out if I really like it or I don't like it, yet realizing there's not a darn thing I can do about it.

Very much like the battles we face. There isn’t much we can do about it when a trial comes our way. But what you can do before it happens is find a way of bringing God into your life. I am positively not telling you the only way to handle those rocky times is with God - I am using all my experiences to tell you, I have been there before trying to do it on my own without Him and now do this life with Him. And it is a no-brainer. With God, it does relieve you of much of the stress you may have in your life.

If any of my writing and all that I have gone through is resonating with you and helps you to become more of a believer, that would make me so happy for you.

You have to find your own path. It took me a long time to just establish that relationship with God and it was a saving grace for me because it saved me from a lot of abuse. A lot of substance use, a lot of self harm, a lot of treating people badly, including myself and my children. I think that in itself is worth every bit of giving my life over to Christ.

This is about what I've had to do to change things and how long it has actually taken me. I cannot take credit for my daughter getting her interview at this job she wants. She has worked hard for it. From graduating high school early to taking courses at the Tech school to working a job that provided her experience to interning at the hospital where she is hoping to land her job.

No, as parents we can’t take credit for our children getting out there and doing the work. But we can be the example for them so they do know the meaning of discipline and pressing into what they want. For me, I am a worker. I know what it means to go after something I want. Based on what you have heard about me, it’s no secret that going after things I wanted in my earlier years of life was not always a good thing. Also, taking extreme control over my life and forcing things to happen when I knew in my heart it wasn’t right also cost me much damage to my finances and well-being.

I look back and wish I had not done more than half the things I’d done. I realize changing the past is impossible and the only trajectory I can do now is use the past to know better and teach my daughters the same.

This is why it was a good day for me. I am seeing the results of letting God into my life and letting him take the lead instead of myself. I can see this for my daughters too.

They’ve already gone through some pretty tough crap, yet nothing life what I have done.

Still, the most important aspect here is what I did with my life and what I am doing now. I could have stayed on a self-destructive path. But I didn’t.

I see the results of my changes and it feels good. There is no more dwelling and wondering when the next bad day will come when I am in the midst of a good day. I need to keep practicing working on appreciating the wondrous and blessed days and not try to think ahead. It takes practice. But I can feel it now. And I can see it changing within me.

If not for Christ, I could not have come this far. If not for Christ and turning my life around … well, honestly … I’m not sure my daughter would have been lead to be who she is. I could have easily kept looking the other way when she and I were making some poor decisions about 5 years ago.

But I didn’t. So, let the good days come and let me see them for the fact that is a good day. It is a page in my book, not the whole chapter. Thank you God for being my writer.

https://www.unmakingamess.com/post/it-s-a-god-thing

#anxietyattacks#prayfirst #believeinyourself #findingthejoy #Godisgood

#thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess