my tactic

3 days ago
2 min read

I just love this.

In my … past years - all too often others attempted to use my past against me … until I finally came to terms with it.

It - being my past.

And honestly, I wanted to beat people to the punch when they would tell me they were going to share who I was and what I did - using this tactic as a weapon against me.

No way was I going to let that happen. If anyone was going to share details about me - it was going to be me. I figured, everything I did was no different than what others had done or gone through.

Therefore, when God said it was time, I knew I could use all my transgressions for the good. To relate to others. I had no time to be ashamed.

Being okay with my past was something I had to accept as it was already orchestrated by Jesus.

I came to realize His love for me and who I am is because of Jesus.

I stayed alive through it all.

So, - He has a purpose for me.

I see that now and although I may not like the person I was or some of the things that happened to me, I can rest easy in knowing Jesus knew all along where I would end up.

He knew how long it would take me to recover… and pretty much stop worshipping the idea that I controlled my world.

There are still several times when I want to take control of my life but now I know what a futile effort it is. The only thing that continues to stick with me are the emotions but I guess in some sense that’s OK because I would rather feel things.

Doing this really does help me to relate to others, and not only that it helps me to be more conscientious. Which still can wreak havoc on my mental health.

But I am human filled with mistakes - mistakes I can use for my testimony to show others - It Is Possible. Matthew 19:26

#anxietyattacks #diary #journal #sober #alcoholism #grief

#prayfirst #believeinyourself

#thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess