i was reminded of my purpose, but not until later

Darlene Morgan
Nov 25
6 min read

I wrote an entire blog last night and for some reason, it did not save. This is the 3rd time this has happened to me. When will I ever learn?

As usual, I will use this as a learning experience, but furthermore, an opportunity to ask God if what I wrote needed to be changed. It sucks to have so many feelings and emotions because when you do, you want to get them out right away. Like NOW! Not like now, as in right now - but I mean this hypothetically.

Last night I was writing about how my day began with hearing some information that really hurt like he**. And that makes me upset because, I thought by the time I was 'older' ... stuff could not hurt as badly like it did in high school; but that is pretty much what this felt like.

You see, in school - literally - from grade school to high, I was bullied and cast out. It's fine. I mean, I lived through it right? Sure, I kicked a kid in the knee for perpetually making my recesses miserable. I did have many brave moments come to think of it. Or the time, I punched Eric in the face because he kept making fun of my friend Shannon who people used to call queer. This was 6th grade. I liked Shannon because he was gentle and caring. He and I pretty much hung out on the playground during 5th and 6th grade. It was as if he and I watched out for each other.

Or the time, I confronted a girl in the bathroom because she was a serious bully. High school. Scary! Like even scary looking (I do not say this in a mean way). I mean, she had that look about her that you did not want to mess with. But for some dumb reason, I got the courage to confront her in the bathroom and told her 'call me a b*tch now!' She didn't.

One day, I decided to look up all the people who bullied me to see what they were up to now. Some still alive and a couple had passed away.

The moral of this blog is pretty much what I am trying to teach our teen residents and my daughters. There will always be someone in your life that is going to hurt your feelings and say stuff about you that is not true. The important thing to remember is, maintain who you are so others can see the real you. Allow that to be your shield and talk back. And, I have told them, when others talk horrible things about you, it says more about them than it does you.

I lost friends a while back ago. Yeah, I know, maybe I have already addressed this and I am not going into the past. What I am learning is, the hurt doesn't dissipate as easily as it does for those who get together and have a grand ol' time without you and don't think twice about you - or I assume - who knows and it doesn't matter. This is our world now, right? Division. Without thought.

People do not realize how much their actions whether innocent or not can still affect a person. However, social media is the crux of all forms of epistles. From despicable to joyous.

The joyous ones can be painful for a person because it is a reminder of how you can be an outcast.

This does not mean we should stop posting the good stuff because people need to see this when done appropriately. It can be uplifting and encouraging for many. I will say this, if something wonderful happens to me, but a good friend is going through a hard time, I might resist posting it, or I remove that person from seeing it for now. Sh*t hurts!

The reason for losing friends is vital, yet, to go into reasons or write about it only gives the subject control. I do not want to do that.

What I want to do in this blog is help empathetic people know that you are important and you need to keep being you. Because know matter what happens outside of your circle, is ... well, out of your control. We cannot control what others do. Repeat that. And stop wasting your time. Your premium fruitful time! You have more to do in this lifetime than give attention to an area that does not deserve it, nor to an area where you know is not thinking twice about your feelings.

We are not made for this. Sadly.

I mean, for those of us who want kindness to manifest itself abundantly, can only spread it by being kind to all.

My day did start out with me coming to work and sitting at my desk, mind spiraling and perpetuating, but my therapist will be happy to know, I did not allow it to have power over me as I have sensationally done in the past. I took in deep breaths and got to work. Coffee, work. Work, coffee.

As I did, I was reminded of my purpose on earth. And when, I think about that and encounter moments where I see God using me to help others ... that is what takes over. And thank God for that.

By the end of the day, I found myself on 3 different calls where I was listening to a mom express her concerns and feelings of being overwhelmed. Having developed a connection with the mom, I was able to be honest and real with her. We even got to talking about how prayer helps us and the difference in our beliefs. Not only that, got into the subject of politics and differences in that too! That is maturity and understanding. There was nothing more than listening and respecting. But most of all, supporting one another.

Even later that evening, had two more conversations with other females.

This told me that no matter what happens that has the potential to hurt me, the hurt will go away as God shows me why I am really here [on earth].

Jesus Almighty. Thank you. He has brought people into my life who have taught me so much. Even those who have hurt the daylights out of me, have taught me of my worth and strength. Jesus taught me that years later, I could look back and see how He was always there for me, even though I may not have been for Him.

Jesus has taken people out of my life to show me, I can live without them. It may not feel so good at first for whatever reason He removed them, yet, I will be okay. I may not know this at first, but eventually I will. You will be okay.

Psalm 118:6 - The Lord is on my side, I will not fear, for what can others do to me.

I have prayed that and recited that verse for many years once I discovered it.

I am a weak individual. I do not mean that in a pitiful way, but I am. I am okay with this because I am soft. I am able to bend to be by others side who need me. Absolutely, regardless of who they are and what they believe in regarding so many areas.

I am a strong individual. I mean this in the most humble way. I am one who has persevered. I am an example of what persons can do to me; yet, I keep going.

I am this way because of Christ.

I am boldly indebted to Christ. For with Him it is possible.

He may not take it all away - trust me .... Do I ever Know this! But, He will help you get through it, even when you do not have all the faith in Him. Even when you do not have your act together. He does not leave our sides. Nor does he place expectations on us in order to give us grace. He takes us as we are. Oh dear, does He ever. That is for another time.

Right now? I breathe. I give thanks. Seems appropriately timed.

Please remember to ask Jesus to come into your heart and be your Savior. He wants to go through it all with you. With man, it is impossible, but with God, it is possible.

Okay, enough preachy stuff! I am who I am and trust me, I am flawed as ever. But what I am not, is compassionless. I will live out my days helping others when I can and helping any and all to feel included. Pretty much who Jesus was and what He did. He helped the oppressed and He made sure there was enough for all.

Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment and share with others. I would love so much to get my words out there more and more.

Thank you for those across the world who are reading! Ireland, UK, Netherlands, Texas, South Carolina, California, Iowa and wherever else - Bless you and Happy Thanksgiving.

P.S. Now I see why I lost my other post; this one, much more thought out and real. Thank you Jesus for helping me with my writing.

#anxietyattacks #diary #journal #sober #alcoholism #grief #bullies #hurtfulfriendships