uncurving the curve

Darlene Morgan
Sep 2, 2024
7 min read

Yes, I know 'uncurving' is not an actual word. But considering Unmaking a Mess is my blog title, I felt it was appropriate to create a word for this mini Curve series.

The outcomes.

When I discovered our benefit had decreased substancially in July, I felt it. I was already going to be short funds because I had two debts to take care of I do not usually have in our monthly expenses. I had Clara's car to bring up to par for driving. That was an $800 fix for new brakes, battery and fixing an oil leak - and that was well worth it. Not to mention it was a local mechanic and he did a great job.

Plus, I purchased an extended warranty on our fridge and also signed Clara up for a volleyball showcase.

Warranties can be a joke, but considering how things been going lately, I wanted the additional coverage.

The volleyball showcase will be just one of many she will get to go to as a way of getting her seen by recruiters. Not to mention, it is a more affordable direction than going the expensive club team route in KC. We tried this last season and had hoped it would provide her opportunities at 'looks' but it did not at all. So this season, we are doing some major footwork. (It's hard to explain, but placing Clara on a local team and getting her to showcases is something we have learned makes more financial.) This is something else I'd love to write about. Club sports - criminey, have I ever learned some stuff worth sharing.

However, as for all the curves we got thrown last month they each came with a positive outcome. All I had to do was wait and trust.

I felt I did that fairly well. I mean, as soon as I saw our benefit had decreased in July and then half of it will go away in January, I had plenty of reasons to go into full blown panic mode.

The old me probably would have been stressing out day and night and been short fused with the normal quandaries that happen to everyone.

I wasn't my old self and thank God for that.

There were a couple instances when I got ticked off at my girls; one time I was inconsiderate about how I brought the subject to the girls about them paying for more stuff, yet the second incident I was definitely annoyed and spoke my mind.

The lesson from it - after a couple weeks went by, I approached the subject but this time over coffee at a local shop and I changed my tone of voice and let them know I was not upset. I have two older girls who are 18 and 20 and I felt it was time for them to take over some of thier expenses. The way we discussed it went much better and it felt so good. Live and learn.

Shoe Scam Result: I let this go for a few days. I had to. I had to suck it up as this was completely my fault for not taking more time to research and read. I was willing to be out $54.00. What I was not willing to do was allow this company to think they had one over me. When 3 days went by and they didn't send me my refund, I contacted them again; they told me they saw there was a dispute against them and if I took time to drop the dispute I'd get my money back quicker. HA! I may have been a fool once but not twice. I called PayPal Credit card and told them what I was told. The girl who helped me was absolutely skilled and had me send her screenshots of all the email exchanges with this KicksCrew place. After sending her 15 screenshots she said that was more than enough and favored me for the refund. PayPal would then get the money back from the scammy place themselves. Therefore ... I got ALL my money back, including the cancellation fee. I stopped right then and thanked God so much.

Pretty much the same thing happened with the fax app I got that charged me 18 bucks for nothing. Got my money back from my credit card and I'm sure they went after the app. Another huge praise.

I never heard back from any of the women in the group I was supposed to speak at, but that is okay. I felt better I contacted them to apologize.

I did meet the elderly woman who had artwork to display at our shop and she was so happy we'd be selling her giftboxes at our shop.

Lastly, and one of the hugest praises of all? I got a job. After deciding to work in my area of expertise which is Human services and community service I came across a job on Indeed. I'll be working for a non-profit agency that helps families reconnect after the young adult goes through mental health care. The job is literally perfect for me. So much that how could I ever imagine God didn't have his hand in this. It will be part time and I will be able to make my own hours. I told the ladies I'd be working for how important it was I continue to be a mom first and spend time with my daughters, especially when my youngest had volleyball matches. They understood, being moms themselves. Listen, when something like this happens along with all the other resolutions my heart grows closer and more connected to God in a way I had no idea could happen.

I have learned more about who I am throughout these last couple months. I am not a fan of growing older - the whole skin sagging, achey joints, metabolism slowing down, being forgetful, and just over all slowing down ...

What I do appreciate is more wisdom, focusing on what is most meaningful in my life and removing tons of negativity and pessimism from our lives. I am totally over the people from my life who just don't give a crap about my daughters and the people who are overly dramatic and only bring stress and anxiousness to me.

I have learned that what is important is who I am in God's eyes and the mom He wants me to be. No more looking for that absolutely right man in my life - when he shows up, I will know. No more worrying about what others think and trying to push people to accept me for who I am. I notice when I try not to impress and I just be me, how content I can actually be.

I notice when I lost weight and felt better about my eating habits how it changed the directive of my thoughts. My weight loss and giving more attention to exercise and healthy activties did wonders for my attitude. I don't think I have been more comfortable with being goofy in my life with the girls the way I am now.

Finally? I know what I want to do. I look forward to working my new job and for the start I'll try to juggle my part at the shop but if it gets to be too much, I'll have to let it go. But for the most part - my purpose in life is not done. I want to do more. I have a mission and a goal to fulfil. I know I'll be helping all sorts of people in my new job, but I continue to pray to finish my book, get my YouTube channel more notice and I'd love to open another shop.

Not one that is solely coffee - but one that has more books, artists and then coffee - but mot importantly one that helps the mentally ill. As in, one that offers resources and a place to be at peace. While also raising money to help to fund organizations that focus on mental illness and suicide awareness. They go hand in hand. And my heart goes out to those who are in so much pain. Who cannot afford their medicine, who feel as if nobody cares. I want to help them. I have no idea how I'll do it, when I'll do it, what it will look like, but what I know is my heart feels it.

I have come to terms with the fact I have had a mental illness for years. I have self-medicated it for years. When I let go of substances, I could not figure out who I was and it only caused me internal pain, lack of confidence, confusion, hurt, low self esteem and I landed myself again in the depths of dispair which I coated with alcohol.

This post went a bit long and off subject. I guess I saw how much better I handled the challenges life through at me and realized how much I have grown emotionally and mentally and I contribute that growth to my relationship with Christ and giving up the addictions.

Also coming to terms with accepting my mental illness. I maintain it with medication, not sure I'll ever not be on medicine, but what I do know is with God I am in a much better place and isn't that part of who I always wanted to be? Like you have no idea.

I want to preserve this peace of mind for myself, my girls and son. I know things will not always be hunky dory, but I have shown myself how to get through it all.

Now, I am here for you. I want to be here for anyone who needs me. Perhaps it's not about being there physicially or financially, but resourcefully and socially - I am here.

Question: What curve have you found yourself in only later to be rescued from it simply by being patient and trusting God?

#anxietyattacks #prayfirst #believeinyourself #lifethrowsyouacurve

#thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess