the curve - 2

Darlene Morgan
Aug 29, 2024
8 min read

ree — Me, taking time for myself in theater lobby while Clara and her friends were watching a movie. I honestly got so much done. It felt great. Be sure to take time for you! Somehow, Someway!

The things that happened ....

I bought groceries [post - decreased benefit] so I was being super conscious about what to buy. Brought groceries home, set them on chair of porch instead of the table like I usually do. My youngest helped me bring in the sacks.

The next morning, I went outside and guess what was on the chair? One of the grocery bags that had $12.00 in bacon and a pound of ground beef. Total cost - $17.00. So aggravating! I called the store and was honest with them. They did not care I was absentminded and told me they couldn't replace the items. I had to try. Oh well. Suck it up and take it as a loss.

(***This has a follow up***)

Next, received papers in the mail last March asking me to review our health insurance so it could continue in June. I am not sure what was going on in March, but I absently placed the papers in a pile. In July I received a letter saying our insurance would be cancelled if the review wasn't returned by July 31. I get online July 25 and was able to fill out all appropriate information to renew it but by the time they got to my file, they had already cancelled our health insurance. I kid you not. Then, they required me to send tax papers because ... because I honestly have no idea. I do think I was being tested in some capacity to remind me I still possess the irresponsible attribute I did when I was younger and never paid my bills then water and electricity got shut off. This time, insurance gets cancelled. Moving on and during the time it took to get the insurance reinstated, I prayed daily everyone stayed well and not injured.

Incidentally, while waiting on the insurance to get renewed, I had a prescription to be filled for my anxiety medicine, fortunately, I was able to utilize an RX coupon so the pills only cost me $16.00. This was a blessing. Mostly the fact, I got my meds. At a time like this the last thing I need is to not be on my meds.

The same time the news of the benefit occurred I was madly copying and scanning paperwork trying to get it to the agency to get our insurance reinstated.

So ..... speaking of scanning, since the agency required all my tax forms from 2023 and sending them through the portal on their website was not working (of course), I had to figure out a way to fax them. I do not possess a fax machine, nor is there one remotely close to where we live. A friend suggeted I use this app called E-Fax to send the papers. Great! Everyone uses apps these days.

I downloaded the app AFTER it told me there was no cost. Guess what? It immediately took $16.99 + tax from my account for a total of $18.32. I contacted the app and they did not care. They sent me some weird email confirming it was my email and that was it. I suck. They suck. More dollars down the drain.

(***follow up***)

Okay as if that is not enough? I got a letter in the mail stating I was to speak at a women's group 2 hours away from me. I thought it was a mistake and they simply didn't have my cancellation processed. I had told the director, I was not able to travel for speaking engagements. Well, I emailed the group host the day before the luncheon and asked her if they had someone else lined up ...guess what? They didn't and they were still expecting me and this news was given to me the morning of the luncheon! There was absolutely no way I could even get across town in time, let alone make a 2 hour drive.

I felt horrible! Why didn't I call the director when I got the notice in the mail? I would have normally done this! My mind was preoccupied with the mail about the insurance and the decrease in benefit! So infuriating to me about me. (Does that make sense?)

If not forgetting to do a talk in front of several women, I had forgotten I was to meet a lady on Friday morning so she could show me her artwork and display at our shop. Horrible, horrible, horrible. I contacted her to tell her I woke up not feeling well and was so sorry I didn't reach her in time. This was not a complete lie. It was true. All week I had a headache and could not get enough sleep. Stress, I was sure.

Okay, lastly ... this one is BAD. My daughter needed shoes for school volleyball. Okay, she didn't need them but several of the girls were ordering these special shoes and it is good for everyone to match. Truth.

Trouble is .... those shoes weren't available unless you got them on the black market! I am not kidding. I searched high and low for a week. Until I told her, we aren't getting them.

Last week she reminded me she still needed shoes, I decided to see if any websites carried the infamous shoes. Found some! Did I check the legitimacy of the online site? No. Did I check the fine print? No. Did I read the reviews? No. Did I read the refund policy? No. Do I normally do all this? Yes. Did I do it this time? No.

I canceled the order and was told they were going to keep 25% of my order and I won't give you that amount because you would wonder why in the heck I am buying shoes for that amount at a time when I should not me. Okay, it was $54.00. But her shoes last and .... and, she's my youngest and I am a sucker for her. There I said it and you know you have one of those too.

I even opened a PayPal credit card to put the order on so I could make payments. I am so mad at myself for trying to follow the crowd on these shoes, but mainly not being more responsible about where I made the purchase! Not to mention the more I emailed this so called business, the more I realized they were a complete scam. I did report them to the Federal Trade Commission.

(***follow up***)

Which brings me to the next day.

I sat in my pajamas all day. I slept in way too long, which had been frequent during this week - no wonder - I watched a sermon online. I wrote a letter of apology and included a little bit of my testimony to the ladies I was supposed to speak for and sent it via email, I went back and forth with the shoe company pretty much begging for all my money back ... not gonna happen, I made a TikTok of our cat and I watched 3 episodes of a Netflix series.

Then I wrote most of this at 10 at night.

Also that night? I ate an ear of corn and a buster bar from DQ. I did no exercise that day.

The next morning I had an interview for a job that could be promising.

Did I feel better? Not really. I'd felt tons better if the shoe stuff was settled. I've blasted myself enough. I also have come to terms with just chalking it up as ... when will I ever not make a mistake like this? I thought we were supposed to learn from our mistakes. Isn't that what my blog is about? Unmaking Messes? How can I not follow my own advice? From my own experiences?

I'll tell you why. Age. It's not an excuse. I don't like excuses. But I am telling you what. When you get older, things just slow down. Like your brain just works on one mode or one crisis at a time ... creating other little crisis' in the process.

Wait. STOP! I'm not falling for the ol' it's my age excuse ... just yet.

It has been a terrible past month. When money comes into consideration and how you're going to make it and you have children to take care of, and suddenly you have to go back to work sooner than you thought, not to mention you are older and pretty much near a retiring age ... AND you see all these other folks doing just that - retiring, AND you considered selling your half of your business only to discover it would not be lucrative at this time AND you thought you'd be making money at the business after a few years and you are not AND you just want to be that strong role model mom who shows your kids anything is possible with God AND at times like this when you forget simple things you should know better ...well, the insecurity and lack of confidence sets in.

As single parents who do not have another parent to share the responsibilities with and we are harder on ourselves. We expect more of ourselves. Because we hold ourselves accountable since there is nobody else who can do it. And when we mess up, that accountability has to be addressed. Which is not easy to accept.

But, I am human. We are human. What does that even mean? What it means is as Christians we know we are not like Jesus who was flawless. We don't know his entire life, but what we know from reading the bible is He lead a life that was pure and not frantic. He didn't have to worry about insurance or shoes or schedules.

He did concern himself with taxes and how they were handled, He did make sure he showed up to speak to hundreds of people, he did get frustrated but he was careful about how and when and why he expressed his anger and the words he used ...

He put all the priorities that were necessary to his time on earth first. He made sure to take care of the important things first.

He didn't do much without going to God the Father first. He prayed first. He was slow to anger and never rushed to commit to anything without consulting God first. He pretty much never rushed at all. And as a result, he didn't have to worry about forgetting to do paperwork, or meeting someone, or making the wrong purchase.

Wow. How have I forgotten about all these things?

There is plenty to follow up on with all of these scenearios. Plenty to tell you about and encourage you with and hopefully inspire you. Because even when we make mistakes, we must place our trust in God and know He is the forgiving one and if He can forgive us, then we should forgive ourselves too. That is what creates a content and peaceful heart and soul and the abiltiy to move on in life.

I encourage you in the midst of trials, press on, but don't do it without God, without prayer. Know He does make things easier - With God all things are possible, He doesn't make them go away - just makes it easier to handle.

Love you all! And God bless you. Be back soon with a follow up.

#anxietyattacks #prayfirst #believeinyourself #thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess #dontbehardonyourself