the curve =

Darlene Morgan
Aug 21, 2024
5 min read

Updated: Aug 21, 2024

Lately, I drink coffee all day to stay sharp (and awake), yet I wonder why I feel anxious at times. But I have been doing this for a long time. I suppose it is the addict in me.

Does that make sense? Think about alcoholics who instead of drinking they now consume coffee in the same manner - as if, it is something that stimulates their senses the way alcohol used to do. I know I am not an expert on this. I am speculating on what I have witnessed in my time and honestly how I gravitate to doing the same. Not to mention, alcohol isn't the only thing I have been addicted to, so the mindset and behavior has been in me for years. As if, I must have 'something'.

It does make me think about it. Why I need some kind of substance to get me through the day. Actually, come to think of it, I use my yard work very simiarly. But working in the yard is a good thing for me. It truly is therapeutic.

For the last few weeks I have not been the die-hard workout girl I was being when I was on my mission to lose weight. It concerns me. I don't want to waste what I worked so hard for. Yet, I have realized something about me that I most certainly already talked about. That is, when my life gives me a curve, I tend to ... stall .... procrastinate on my tasks or routine because all I can think about is the curve. When will it straighten out? How did I end up messing up like this? How can I fix it? How did it happen? How could I have avoided it?

Okay, not exactly the frame of mind I portray when I talk about going to Christ when things are looking bleak. I actually do this. I am better at knowing God is whom I can trust. It doesn't much change the fact that, when you get thrown a wrench in your content life, that it will cause you to shift your focus on solutions and what went wrong.

Please don't do that. Things are going to happen. As they always do. And guess what? God is going to be there for you ... and me! As He always has been.

Allow me to explain this curve.

A month ago, I discovered our social security benefit had descreased as of July, then would be decreased by half in January.

This is really both embarrasing and difficult for me to talk about. Why? Because, since the girls dad died we have lived off the child in care benefit. I feel like I am taking advantage of something due to a very unfortunate circumstance.

I've spoken to a few trusted friends about my awkward feelings of this death benefit and they told me it was there for a reason. To help my daughters and I when things weren't going well. This is true. Looking back, I was such a mess the couple years after his death that I could barely concentrate on being a decent mom while at the same time trying to be responsible in keeping up our house and bills.

Then I began working on opening up the coffee shop. The benefit was so helpful since I knew there would not be the option to make money from the business until about 3 years in. At that time, I hoped we would be generating enough income that I could take a salary.

We have not. As in, the coffee shop does not make enough for two people to draw a decent salary from. Most people continue to work their regular jobs while opening up their business. I wasn't working anyway, so I did work at the shop up until one year ago.

You know that saying, when you make plans, God laughs ... or something like that?

Well, my plan was to make money from the shop around year 3. It is now year 4 and it appears that may never happen. I do not regret the business plan of the shop. It was created with the purpose of being affordable for our community to enjoy items off a menu that would not break their budget, especially if they brought family in.

This brings me back to my situation that has me making plenty of mistakes lately.

A decrease in the benefit, and not making quite the money I planned from the shop means getting a job. I am fine with this. It's not like I cannot work, nor am I above it.

Listen, being home for these past few years and having a business I could still come and go from has been wonderful. I've loved every bit of it and thank God each morning and night for allowing me to do this.

Everything has been calming down and it's been one incredible summer for the girls and I. No travel softball, so we've been able to spend plenty of weekends at home and I have gotten so much done in our yard. There is always something to do here to keep up our home.

So, I guess when this financial situation turned up, I wasn't too surprised.

I cannot live without some kind of upheaval in my life. You know, the other saying, 'God doesn't give you more than you can handle?'

Well, I don't think God 'pitches' us the curves, but He knows what will happen and what we are capable of and he remains by our side and. Apparently, I have had quite a tall order of proving my strength since the day I was born.

Back to the coffee as a substance. I like it. I use it as something I lean on to keep me going through the day and more so lately.

However ... I have made some terrible mistakes in the last month that even coffee hasn't been able to fix by keeping me alert.

Going through it all will take another 15-20 minutes or so. And I don't really want you to have to sit through all this in one setting. So .... to be continued.

Thanks for reading and listening!

Questions:

Have you given up a habit or addiction and replaced it with something good?

you don't have to be specific about the habit or addiction, but perhaps tell us what new healthy action are you taking and how its going?

When life throws you a curve - how do you stay centered?

#anxietyattacks #prayfirst #believeinyourself #lifethrowsacurve #forgetful

#thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess