a bad day is okay

Darlene Morgan
Nov 6, 2024
6 min read

It took me 5 times to record this post. I have recently taken to recording my videos first without any script. More authentic and genuine. Not to mention it has allowed me to record more consistently and perhaps allows me to just speak whatever words God may want me to say.

I have my recorder going on my laptop at the same time so it is dictating what I say. Then, I return to it and do the editing which has been taking me much longer than I anticipated. Incidentially, as I got this one into writing and totally edited, I went to save it and guess what? The site locked up and I had to refresh and 'voila' the post was gone. Definitely, something wrong with this writing. Maybe, I'll find out some day.

However, this particular recording took me 5 times! Very unusual. So I got to thinking, perhaps God didn't want me to talk about what I have to say or maybe the *enemy doesn’t want me to speak up.

I want to have the guts to open my phone and say ‘I am having a bad day’ and then just go right into it! So that was exactly what I did that night … and guess what? I didn't post it. In fact, I deleted the recording after I watched part of it.

I decided that maybe I’m not ready to share that side of me.

You know I want you to see me for who am in those moments and I'm getting there by doing these recordings where I have nothing written down.

Let me tell more about why it was just a crappy day. The frantic side of me spent 15 minutes talking about a 'not so pleasant' phone confrontation with a service manager at a local dealership about my daughter's car. I made the conclusion, this many was not made for customer service.

The other subject on that particular recording was a disagreement I had with a young adult. It was a message placed on a group page including other employees from our shop and pretty much how the other owner does 100 % of the work and gets no credit . Very much implying I do no work. And you know what? They were right - however I also felt like they didn't have the entire story but it got me thinking so stinking much about how I need do something quickly and sell my half of the shop or get in there and do more work. I don't know, but I feel like the way the message was posted was so passive aggressive, inappropriate and disrespectful.

So there was that and ....the final straw was when my dog jumped up on the counter and ate our cooked hamburgers - he only got one of them. I hope he enjoyed it.

My entire day reminded me of a movie 28 days with Sandra Bullock. There is a scene where she's sitting in a support group for substance abusers . Everyone in the group is yelling at her because she broke a rule and in the middle of it all - she yells “I AM HAVING A BAD DAY!”

That is how I felt on that Wednesday. I just wanted to yell. ‘I am having a bad day!’ I did in fact, try to tell my girls this but the thing about being a single parent is, you kind of don't get bad days. At least, I don't really anymore. I used to have bad days all the time and when I did, I was this loud, cursing woman who the girls steered clear of. So, when they looked at my face knowing ... I was not in a good place, they seemed to try and make light of it which did not help. So, I retreated to my bedroom.

I think the most crucial things I learned from Wednesday was the importance of to be:

who I am -

to be authentic

to be real and …

how I don't wanna be walked on anymore.

I have been at that place in my life where I didn’t speak up enough and had I spoke up, maybe it might've helped someone.

But there were also the other times where I spoke up entirely too much and it didn't help anybody, including myself.

Now I'm at that point in my life [I think] where I can actually say what I need to say and feel okay afterwards.

There's been too many times where I spoke up for myself or my daughters and when I walked away, I was shaking and my heart was beating and I knew that I said things that were not good and I couldn't take any of it back. Those days and times really sucked.

But this particular Wednesday it was better. After I spoke my peace, I was fine. Literally felt okay with what I had said and was able to leave the situation afterwards and not dwell or nitpick every word I spoke.

I chatted with my girlfriends about each challenge I faced that day and how I was actually able to walk away and I wasn't shaking.

I wasn't breathing hard. I wasn't regretting anything and I was … okay.

It didn't mean by the end of that night, I wasn't feeling something; I absolutely was - but this particular time it got me thinking about where I'm at right now.

In one of my previous recordings I talked about how I am finally at a place in time where I don’t feel too terrible about the challenges and how I am handling them better. That was absolutely true.

But each scenario gave me an opportunity to contemplate and think more about how far I actually have come. You ever hear that quote - 'you didn't come this far to only come this far.' Yeah. Me. God did not bring me this far for me to quit trying to handle things better. to handle things better for the sake of my children and me. To continue to believe that God has a purpose for me. I know He has used me already. I have seen it. But I don't want to be done. I want to live this life so dang exuberanty it hurts. Not literally but you get it.

I know what else helped me to get through that unplesant day, I spent about 4 1/2 hours outside and I know that I have not had enough of that. I have definitely not had enough of my outdoor time. If I don't get my hands dirty being outside raking, mowing or moving rocks around I just feel too cooped up and isolated.

What is it that you need in your life that maybe you have ignored lately? How much of that personal time do you need? And how much does it help you when you encounter a challenge?

I just want to know how you're doing. How's that? How exactly are you doing and are you taking enough time for yourself and when you're not do you realize it in how emotional you are?

Please leave your comments because I love it when I hear from you - even if it's just a ‘hey yeah that really sounds like it sucked and that's happened to me before’ … or if you got something that you wanna share with me that you don't want others to see, please message me.

I wanna be here for you all too!

Remember, ask God to come into your heart and soul because with Him things are definitely eaiser to handle. It doesn't mean that He is going to make things go away, but as we go through these circumstances, they are handled so much better when He is by our side.

Take care all and thank you for reading.

#anxietyattacks #abadday #trustingGod #yougotthis #acceptwhoyouare #whoGodmadeyoutobe #prayfirst #believeinyourself