releasing

I have decided to sell my portion of the coffee shop. The shop was given to me by God. Never could I do this on my own and think I could succeed. But I did. This whole perspective is written from my point of view, but I don't hesitate to say that it did take effort and input from many other people, including the other owner and our coffee roaster.

It is time for me to move on. But I will always, always be thankful that God trusted me with this mission.

I have other things I need to do before dying.

I know God has other plans for me and it seems He continues to wait on me to get my butt in gear and truly listen to Him.

I plan to write a book and publish it. I have already begun it and know the publisher I am hoping will accept it. Yes, I can dream about this. Being a published writer is something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl.

I used to write in my journals and diaries since a very young age. Completely honest and open with anyone who might read them. Although, it was only for my eyes. It was a way for me to express myself and get all the emotions on paper after my parents divorce and every single hormone that conjured up feelings and thoughts as a teenager. Tons of stuff to write about. My life was not simple.

Sometimes I look back at it and think it was just a boring life, nothing to really write about, nothing to seem phased by, nothing to be surprised about - it was just me. This plain Mexican boney framed girl who never ever knew exactly who she was. Super boring stuff.

Yet, as I look back and consider the life I lived and how here I am writing still ... there are things that must come out.

God has a purpose for me and I promise if you read about it - whoever you are, you too will know you also have a purpose in life. If I can survive it all, so can you. Please do. It is worth it.

I told myself I would wait until my mom passed away because I didn't want her to be viewed as a not so good mom. (I don't like using the word 'bad'). My mom did the best she could. She did as much as she could without ever knowing how to raise a child on her own, let alone paying bills, finding the right car for her and I, buying a trailer for us to live in and making sure I had what I needed.

A writer. All these years I have been writing and it is now time to make something of it. I have the time. Right now, I have the time. However, I still tend to ignore the cues that are sent to me. When the words are planted in my mind, I need to stop what I am doing and get it on my phone right away. Otherwise, it takes me too long to remember what is significant in my life that is finally resolving itself, or maybe it is something I conquered, perhaps fears I still have, happiness I have found for once. Other stuff, is just daily junk that all single moms go through.

We need each other. If not physically, then virtually. Through a video or an audio or words in a book. I have read and listened to many stories that lift me up and let me know - I am okay. And to me - that is needed in our world.

When God plants the idea in me, I have discovered what a procrastinator I am. I have had all day to get this blog written. Yet, I didn't do it until, I ate breakfast, did some shop work (that was a must), went outside and investigated some torn paper in the yard - so pathetic, measured a dog pen I want to sell - really? of all times, I am doing this now?, ate a few chips and sauce - thinking I 'needed' the nourishment motivation - that was the last thing I needed cause then I felt bloated so I surely could not sit down and write... therefore, I went outside again and pulled weeds - they've been there for a couple weeks, and I decided today is the day?, brought the trash can inside, - I am now exhausted even writing all my excuses that have kept me from placing words to blog.

That is me.

I am handing over a coffee shop to someone - not sure who yet, so I can persue what I know God expects of me.

I have until May 2027 to make this happen. That is when our death disability benefit ends. When Clara graduates from high school. Yup.

I imagine I have to keep a realistic point of view knowing that even the most accomplished writers realize it isn't a huge money maker. I don't expect this. I have spoke to God about this. I want to be able to make enough to continue to pay our expenses and care for my girls ... and then some.

If I am going to do this, I realize I have to place the same discipline to it that I have done with the coffee shop and these last 6 years. I don't have a choice.

I hear too many stories of a life that never got to do what they wanted before they died. Of the regrets people have when they are sitting in a nursing home, of the love that went un-shared, of the care we could have demonstrated more of and the dreams we had but never tried to accomplish.

I would much rather say I tried and fail than never tried at all.

I care about who I sell my portion of the shop to. Could I still be part owner and still work on writing? Yes. Have I tried this? Yes. Does it work for me? No. I have heard God telling me to let go. Stop holding on like it is a crutch. It is keeping me from being all in.

I do this in life too.

If I am going to make a change, I don't go all in until I know for certain it will work out.

Don't you?

Life changes are frightening.

But, handing it all over to God is a huge testament. And that is who I want to be. I've been able to testify on behalf of what God has done for me and the fact I am still alive.

I was able to be a valuable componet and my image has been a big part of the coffee shop. It began with a prayer and an idea. I wanted it to be community oriented and that is what was accomplished. I wish for it to continue as that is the model and mission of it.

As I think more about it, I have held many images. I was advocate for DV victims, something I still hold closely in my heart, I was a crisis counselor for young children in hardship, I was the 'burrito lady' and I was sports photographer - which I will still enjoy doing. I love all the roles I have been in!

We don't have to let it go of all the roles we have had in life. It has all molded us to be who we are!

Sometimes, we set out to do something in life and when we accomplish it is when we must decide to move on.

And, commit to a mission elsewhere. To listen carefully to what God intends for us.

I have to see myself and take myself seriously as a writer. I am always thankful the community embraces us for who we are at the shop - for our mission, our values and keeping that on the forefront.

I can see I am not needed to keep that going anymore. It can continue and I will always be a strong supporter of community driven businesses. I hope the next owner will allow me to maintain a thread - some attachment - or am I still trying to hold on to the crutch? No idea, guess I will know when the right person comes along and takes it from me.

I can still say, that was mine. We did that. We made it happen. God helped make that happen.

No different than God pulling me from some dark days, He has given me much to be thankful for and helped me to realize that with Him, it is possible.

So with Him, it is possible for me to finally commit to the written work. All those years He was saving me, preparing me, teaching me and showing me I could be stronger than I ever imagined - was all part of the story I intend to write.

He always knew. Lifting me up many days was part of His plan. As sucky as it was, it was part of His plan. I am okay.

#goals #writer #entrepreneur #blogging #lifestories #keepadapting #keepyourgoalsalive #takeyourdreamsseriously #Godspurposeforyou #lifechanges #atestimony