no longer eliciting a crisis

I had like this insightful revelation after I wrote my last post regarding my daughter having this wonderful opportunity to interview for a job she's been wanting - and considering I usually overthink stuff, I didn’t want anyone to think I'm taking credit for what she is doing.

Absolutely not; my daughter is her own person and she has navigated this entire journey on her own for both her certifications.  She wants to do sterile processing and work in a hospital and it was her choice to get her CNA certification so she could work a job while she was waiting to turn 18 to begin the Sterile Processing schooling.

Because as parents, our children are constantly watching us, there are many opportunities to show them what is right to do in this world and how to conduct themselves. No different when, we are handling things wrong or our actions don’t exactly speak a healthy language in front of them - it wears off on them.  They are like sponges, and though they have their own minds and personalities, there are many ways we can make them or break them. So, when we see our kids doing something pretty fabulous, it is okay to take some credit for that. After all, they’ve been under our wings for years.  How can they not glean from what we do in front of them?

But most of all, I wanted to say that it wasn't about me taking credit for her getting the interview it's just a God-given relief that my girls are doing okay and making some right choices.

Moving on.

I left work on this day and it was really a good day at my job. I had a meeting with the family that could've been particularly difficult and we had to do it by Zoom and it went well.  I thank God since these can be such sensitive family situations.  I then met with a young girl who opened up to me about some situations from her past. I could feel her emotions which gave me this strong sense of compassion for her. It cannot be easy to figure out who you are and what you are feeling or why you do certain things that may not be good or safe for you. Since discovering I really take on the qualities of an empath, I began to feel this girls emotions which gave me this strong sense of compassion for her.

As I was driving home, I got two text messages from my daughters. One was letting me know she was off to see her sister at college and hang out with her and their boyfriends and the other message was from the youngest daughter who was making sure she could go to a basketball game.

My daughters have come to realize how often I can end up at home alone as they go and do their thing. So occasionally they make sure I am okay hanging out at home by myself. But on this particular night, I was actually going to have dinner with a girlfriend.

This has been extremely beneficial to me and such great timing. She and I are connecting on this new level of friendship that touches on many areas of parenthood, raising girls, the concerns in their lives,  and the things the dramatic incidences they go through.

The entire day in itself from work to my evening just seemed to be emotional for me. I know is that my heart is moving in ways that even I can't quite comprehend.

I also think our minds program themselves to see things that we want to have meaning. For instance in the span of a few days, I kept seeing the three 4’s. As in the clock, on my bank statement or on my phone.

I don’t believe in the reading palms and all that stuff, however, I did hear that 444 had an angel reference to it so I looked it up.

The significance of 444 represents an angel that is looking over you and guiding you and telling you to stay focused and that you're on the right track.

I definitely thought that was pretty cool. If anyone needs some affirmation of what they are doing is okay, it is me.

I am constantly questioning myself and my journey all the time and oftentimes, I feel as if I am not getting anywhere.

As I keep seeing these numbers, I really had to think about it and pray. What came to mind was perhaps existing —- simply waking up every day, going to work, taking care of myself and my daughters and other ordinary daily tasks is part of being on the right track.  There's no like big circumstances and bright shiny moments. It's doing what you need to do every day and pay your bills. Plus getting plenty of sleep, that’s certainly for me. I stay up way too late.

It is literally doing what you need to do each and every day and feel good about it. It doesn't mean having to accomplish big things.

This was a big revelation for me.

For the longest time, I seem to have some kind of crisis going, which dictated my life. And when I say crisis, I mean like the hard stuff, from a bad engine in a car, a dead battery in a mower that actually turned out to be a bad starter, another car needing brakes, another car needing to actually get running, a fridge going out, a dead tree about to fall in your yard … literally something all the time.

(I better not speak too soon.)

I am not sure I am making my point here. What I am trying to say is, I’ve had some kind of crisis in my life since I can remember.  As in since I was super little, like 5 or so.

I can remember quite a bit from back then.

Of course, the crisis’ back then dealt with my parents fighting. Afterwards, it was about being with my mom and the men she was with.  Seemed to never end well.

So … as it goes, when we grow up surrounded by something perpetually happening, it grows on us as this is what is ‘normal’ in or lives. So, what I am realizing is, the ridiculous stuff that happens to me and our home is natural.  It is common.  I can no longer look at is as a crisis.  It is simply just stuff happening. I have to change the narrative on how I view things now.

I want to be content in the every day life where I encounter many of the same issues as someone else who has a spouse and family. I will no longer look at my problems as a singular issues that comes my way as a result of being a single parent. I will no longer look at my issues as unable to handle it because I am a single parent.

I will TRY not to look at the trials this way.  I can’t exactly say I won’t. Human nature plays a part here in our mentality and it can be difficult to just turn it off.

I’ll sure continue to keep complaining, just not as much anymore.  What I will do is trust God even more and see each obstacle as another way to grow my faith in Him.

To be content is the goal for me in year 2025.

I will share one last thing with you.  A dream. As I ponder my life and these revelations, I believe they seep into my dreams.  I am a believer that those who’ve gone before us make appearances in our dreams as a way to comfort us.

Therefore, I had this dream I was taking care of my mom in this two story home. I told her I had to show some friends a greenhouse up the street.  (Really, no idea how that even played into the plot).  Nonetheless, I am walking down this narrow street with this guys - there were workers. Maybe they needed plants or something for a job.

And when we got to the greenhouse, it was familiar to me. But it was closed.  But I also knew the owner and this was the second time I got there right after they closed.  I remember this part vividly.

I cannot see the owners face but he was familiar to me.  I could feel the familiarity.  No words are said. I say, I don’t know what I am doing. But he beckons us to follow him.  I still feel confused, yet seeing the area tells me I had been there before.

As we enter the back of the greenhouse where there we lots of plants, the man looks at me and I can hear him even though he isn’t saying anything.

He says, ‘you've been here before you know what to do.’

Okay, this may seem like a practical response considering I was in this place where I should know what to do since I thought I’d been there before. However, I woke up right after that and the words were so clear to me.  I haven’t had a dream like this in a very long time.

The difference here was, I knew the man and as I woke up I strained my brain (not meaning to rhyme there) anyway - as I struggled to figure out who the man was, something told me it was my dad.

Which made since since I had previously been at my moms house before I went to the greenhouse.

No, my dad had absolutely nothing to do with plants.

And his words had nothing to do with the place he was at.  It had to do with me and my life.  Only thing is, I am not sure why because I have not been in this stage of life before and I don’t know what to do.

I honestly am not sure I’ve ever had true contentment in my life until now.

True contentment that I can feel and work on. I don’t know what to do. I ask God regularly. Perhaps, what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing. And that is … just living. Not creating any chaos or getting involved in it.

It’s literally just living.

Are you content with your life? How do you know you are? What brings peace of mind to you as you approach on each day?

Thank you for reading.  God bless you and please consider asking Jesus to come into your heart and mind.

Because with Him in your life, helps you to surpass all the issues you may encounter. He doesn’t make stuff go away, but with Him, He does make it possible to get through it.