silencing the brain

Darlene Morgan
Jul 31
3 min read

Updated: Aug 12

I posted this photo on my Facebook to show my friends, I still have a goofy side to me although lately I've really been harping about health insurance costs.

I drove to work in silence. I didn’t want music or my podcast or an audiobook going.

I wanted to give my brain and thoughts a rest.

So what did I do as soon as I hit a stoplight? I wrote. I talked into the note pad on my phone.

I wonder if there’s a way to turn your brain off? I don’t actually wanna do that. Dang, that's a scary thought. I am a person who does not like saying things as such, in fear I would manifest it.

What I mean of course is to just tell your brain - no more thinking for a few moments. Perhaps that is what meditation can do for you.

I like to stay awake as long as possible at night. I dislike sleeping. In fact last night stayed up until two in the morning which of course cost me as I abruptly woke up at 8:30 the next day. The rush was on.

I've heard people say, 'I'll get plenty of sleep when I’m dead.' Maybe I feel that way too. It is a tough call for me because I read all this still about how important getting good sleep is for you. And for me, being an aging woman, I want to take care of myself as much as I can.

Back on the road to work ....

Damn, I hate these spots on my neck as I looked in the mirror while driving at the same time.

Random moment there and now you will be watching out for me when I am on the road.

'Hey! There goes Darlene. Ridiculous woman.' Writing while driving. Putting on make-up while driving. Contemplating while driving. Having an anxiety attack while driving.

All those are true of who I am. I cannot turn my brain off. I must perpetually be multitasking.

I couldn’t wait until the next stoplight to get my thoughts into my phone to start speaking into it.

I forgot to put the anti-aging lotion on my neck too. (Another random thought) As you can see, I can go from one subject to another on the flip of a dime.

Only a couple of blocks away from work so I have to stop talking or thinking I guess.

I swear, I constantly have to be doing something while I’m not doing anything.

That didn’t even make sense or maybe it did.

***heads into work for a brief period of time before leaving again***

Silence. I am now on the road to Wichita, which is two hours away to pick up a client. I couldn’t get the stupid Bluetooth to hook up so once again, I’m sitting in silence.

But am I actually?

No, I turned on the recorder, just simply so I could record a few things to be doing something.

I know why my mom deteriorated so quickly after she went into the nursing home;

My mom is whom I got the 'on the go mentality.'

She was the same way.

So once she got to the nursing home and couldn’t do anything, she felt helpless.

No longer had a purpose.

You know, I wonder if that’s why she perpetually used to tell me to not be rushing around.

It was her own subliminal messages to herself, knowing this was the person she was and how it affected her life. Somehow, perhaps she knew that by constantly doing something she didn't give herself the time to process or enjoy the moments of just being present ... which is something I think you have to do when you are elderly. Just being there. With yourself.

Not gonna lie - that is such a scary thought for me. Now I wonder if I should be practicing how to just sit and absorb the essence of just being.

Back to driving.

Sitting in silence as I was driving, I was gripping the steering wheel so hard my hands started to tingle.

As soon as I can pull over, I’m doing it so I can get my phone connected and listen to my audiobook.

I’ve literally got to stop writing… I mean talking.

#anxietyattacks #prayfirst #believeinyourself #anxiousmind #depression #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess #purpose #aging #contentment