new life

Darlene Morgan
Sep 22, 2024
5 min read

I had no idea that going back to work would be so hard on my brain. I guess when you place your brain into a whole new environment and feed it new information it tends to get all jumbled up. It says, 'whoa there, what is going on here.'

As I came home Monday night from my first day of work, I felt fuzzy (not physically), I mean my brain had that tingling feeling and I kept wanting to squint my eyes like my head felt heavy.

I bypassed it all and refused to consider that I am not capable of learning new stuff again. Although, being back in the office and going through orientation and then some online training and meetings in between ... well, why wouldn't have have the fuzz affect.

I came home that day and sat for a while with my daughter. Then knew exactly what it was I needed to do. I had to get up and get a work out in and a walk. The workout was pretty much because I can feel myself gravitating back into old eating habits which has been blissfully wonderful! Popcorn, ice cream, all sorts of pasta! Love! Yet, eating all that stuff causes me to not be as motivated in my physical wellness. Not good.

I love it when I feel lighter - not that heavy load of carbs in my body feeling. Sucks getting old, I'm telling you. Hence the reason you must take care of yourself. If nothing else comes from this message I want you to know that you must change eating habits if you want to feel better. Sorry, thats just the way it goes - regardless of your age.

My new job is incredible and I want to apply myself to it in ways I never had in the human services role. I've had jobs before working with families, mental health and crisis intervention. And above all - many forms of abuse. No, it is not for everyone. But it is for me. I don't thrive on it, I live for it. I have a passion and heart for it.

No different than my 18 year old daughter has a heart for helping the elderly residents at her job. That is not one of my fortes - it is something she has found herself very capable of.

Therefore, writing was not exactly something I felt like doing. But, I never want to let it go. I know how helpful it is to me. I know what it means to get my words out there for others to read and hopefully relate from.

I wrote a long post on my coffee shop page about why I've not been there working and what I have been doing. I revealed how much I've had to deal with when it comes to my anxiety and mental health. Not to mention the importance of putting my health first in order to be here for my girls and live a long life. So I pray I will.

For the most part - many days I feel good. This is not normal for me. I've generally had something take over my life that causes me to become depressed, anxious or overwhelmed.

That was my normal routine for so many years. People have told me, life will have its ups and downs and broken stuff, challenges and such. True, however, when you change your life and don't allow yourself to be exposed to unhealthy environments or be around people who only bring you down then it brings you to a whole new level of calm and peace within; which can really help when all those stumbling blocks cross your path.

What I realize is, there is a difference between the people who have cars break down, washers break, get scammed emails, etc. and me. All these things happen to me, but when it happens to me I tend to place it in a category where I exasperate it. I combine all those crisis with the overlay of being a single mom. In other words, I self-martyr. I develop this approach in my mind that causes me to make it the worst thing ever. Which, I have to give myself credit - I am much better about not obsessing as much. I do tend to think of the problem and pray over it; but when the quote comes to mind of - "Give it to God and go to sleep" - well .... easier said than done.

What problems do for me is - they help me to appreciate the sedentary life when nothing breaks during the 24 hours in a day.

I love the same old days, the 'boring' nothing happening but life days. Where I sleep a little too much after staying awake a little too long the night before and I go to work, juggle work and shop, texts messages from my daughters, looking forward to a evening at home or watching my daughter play volleyball and then I can eat dinner and retreat to my bedroom where I write or watch Netflix.

That is what it means to embrace the trials.

God does not give them to us. Remember that.

Here is what a wise young man told me. (Only 20 years old)

He said, ---- 'being uncomfortable is part of life, in fact I think one should seek discomfort as it allows you to grow and gain experience.'

Yup. That came from a young mind.

Okay, we aren't going to purposely create problems in our life or discomfort just so we can see what it will teach us. But the reality is, life will come with issues and problems to deal with. It is how we respond to them that makes the difference on ourselves.

I am still learning. When a problem arises I do tend to dwell on it too much. I intensely pray on it - over ... and over .... and over ...

Well, that is not exactly giving it to God to handle. I am getting tons better. Really I am!

The last issue was of course the sudden drop in our monthly finances. I did 'okay' at trusting God. In fact, much better than how I would have handled it years before. I am proud of myself. And when I allowed myself to take a step back from the worry of what would happen, God happened. He lead me right to this job that is more than perfect for our lives. I don't want to jinx myself ... as you can see, I still possess that cautious train of thought.

I know God has our backs. What I need to work on more is the thinking. And letting go.

I guess we don't change over night. It took me 50 plus years to develop this anxious mindset, so it's not like I can get rid of it over a few months after taking my anti-anxiety pills.

Change the narrative in my mind. In your mind. Don't allow the history of how you thought of things dictate how you will handle them now.

I am.

I want peace. Even when .... the 'something or other' breaks.

And by the way Life - that isn't cue for ... oh, she's getting comfortable, better shake it up a little.

Questions: What new event(s) is happening in your life and how are you doing?

What has made you uncomfortable only to find out later how well you benefited from it? Ex: Entering a room full of people ... Having a difficult discussion with someone ...Trying a new hobby ... Changing careers .... going on a trip by yourself?

#anxietyattacks #prayfirst #believeinyourself #newjob #lifehappens #changethenarrative

#thehereandnow #life #thinking #shiftingthoughts #singlemomlife #unmakingamess