the now

Yesterday I was at my laptop in what I refer to now as our breakfast nook. It is just the front room where you first walk into the home. Since we finally got it all organized and put together, I have a hightop table where I sit in front of the large picture window.

It can be absolutely peaceful or distracting if I find myself constantly watching cars go down our street or I have music going on my laptop.

Yet, I love it. I feel blessed to have a place in our home where I can sit and read, write and appreciate the view.

It is actually the best writing nook I could have. Besides my room upstairs where I do lots of writing at a small desk I got. My room is the place where I do most of the recording because it has a better insulation.

Nonetheless, where I was going with this was, I was here the other day and I began to let myself get too immersed in being stuck on my laptop. Thinking entirely way too much about the future, the coffee shop, my girls and their school, my girl and her sport, our yard, our home, my health .... okay you get the point. All these thoughts were circling in a way I honestly could not break myself away from.

It was treacherous in my brain. I realized I had not been here in months. Been here as in, allowing myself to become glued to a chair unable to shift my thoughts.

I must have sat here for at least 2 hours, gravitating from website to website, making phone calls and just sitting.

I had to get up. I finally went outside and made a list in my mind what I could do. Pretty much doing the same going from one task to another. Still, I ended up being out there for 4 and a 1/2 hours. Afterward, feeling depleted, knowing my thoughts were still controling me, so the normal theraputic feeling I get from being outside didn't quite encompass me.

Here is what I know. Which I think is so valuable. We have to know ourselves and what causes us to tick. What helps us, what does not. Eating well helps me. Eating crap does not - but I still do it once in a while. Getting some fresh air is an absolute must. Dwelling on thoughts and looking at my phone or MacBook for several hours is not good. Duh.

Over the years, I have figured this out. I have not been intentional about it until most recently.

Too often, I regret the time it has taken me to know the person I am. To know what truly affects my mood and what encourages me. It is what it is. Not sure why we tend to focus on the things we cannot control. Can't go backward in time, so need to embrace what I can do now. I am still alive and able to do things. Probably even better than before.

I spent way to many years doing things and putting things in my body that wasn't good for me. I am fortunate to be alive and not in horrible shape.

What truly matters now is .... the now. I have a whole day ahead of me to spend with my girls, get something done or not!

All too often I prayed for days like this.

I wanted to have a weekend to be able to do as we wished. I loved being able to spend all that time at the ball parks. I knew it wouldn't last forever, so I went through it all and made sure I was there physically and mentally. Fully present. Not all the time, but for the most part - I was. Once again, don't focus on the crummy days, remember the good.

We cannot change what has happened in our past. Not sure what you might focus on, but living in the past isn't healthy. (So obvious) Unless, we plan to look back at those days in order to appreciate where we are now. To be able to look back at those days and realize all the times Christ was with you and pulled you through. Those are the times, that I look back and see how good He was to me, even when I wasn't being good to myself or I did not acknowledge His presence.

I can look back at those days now in awe. Sure, I wish I had made different decisions sooner to become a healthier cognitive version of me. But, what is important is knowing when I fall into negative patterns I am able to get away from it. It's not perfect, but ... I am better than I was before.

And isn't that a huge point of life? To just be a little better than where we were before, if those old ways weren't good for us?

We can make use of days when we didn't make the best decisions. Use them to realize how far we have come.

There is a quote I love - 'You didn't come this far to only come this far.'

Yup. If we are still moving, walking, working, typing, talking, writing, driving, ..... breathing! We are still able to do what we want to do.

Still able to accomplish more in this life - and prayerfully as God intended.

Question:

When you get stuck in your thoughts, what helps you to get away from them?

Have you been able to figure out those triggers and how to avoid them to be the best healthy version of you?

#thehereandnow #youhavecomethisfar #life #thenow #thinking #embracingthenow #singlemomlife #blogging #unmakingamess