solutions and drama

12-16-23

Solutions

Well the day began well.  Made it to the wrestling match and got to see one match.  Then headed to volleyball scrimmage.

This will be a new team for my daughter.

Joining a new team can be interesting.  Sometimes, make for some nerves and other times just excitement. It can be exciting if you’re working hard at increasing your ability and joining a more competitive team. And if this is your desires.  It is for my daughter.

She wants to make something of herself through her volleyball.  She strives to be good and takes it seriously.  She also has fun and pretty much smiles throughout the entire time.

But joining new teams means getting to know others and how everyone operates. I heard a coach explain this during a college camp Clara attended this month.  It was so well put.  A son or daughter will have many of the same behaviors as the parent; likewise a team will soon emulate the same attitude and work ethic as the coach.  How a coach ... well, coaches will soon be demonstrated by the team.

I find this very true.  For many of the teams we have been on, it has been a fairly even balance of hard work, high expectations mixed well with having fun.  Except for one team my oldest daughter was on. Worst experience ever.  The coach was so hard and did not connect with any of the players. Not to mention clearly had favorites.  I look back at photos during that season and cringe that we put my daughter through that experience.  It did make her stronger … I would hope learning from this there are many other ways to make a player stronger though.

When I think about my daughter, I often don’t know how to help her when she gets frustrated or has questions when it come to anything sport related.  ***WARNING - SELF PITY Moment approaching.*** This is when I wish she had a dad who was the sports guru and could tell her what she needs to hear when it comes to skills and how to approach a game.

My girl wants to be seen and noticed as she does have high hopes to land a college scholarship for a D1 school - don’t smirk.  Just because she is not tall, means nothing! Anything is possible.

I don’t disparage my daughters desire to be all in.  As if this is all she thinks about.  It is not an idol.  Get your head out of the Christian gutter.  It’s not like that.  Remember, if you saw the movie about Tim Tebow, he was diehard serious about his football and still was able to focus on his love and dedication to the Lord.

So …. As I realize I don’t know a darn thing about the exacts of sports - I decided no more faking it.  I will speak to her with the language I know well. Being up front and totally honest.

By that, I began a conversation with her telling her I don’t know a dang thing about the dynamics of volleyball, but what I do know is how I have gotten to be where I am now.  And I spoke to her about hard work, determination, being brave and including God in it all.  Much of what she wants must include her own desire, passion and grit.  And she has all that.  It just means applying it in all circumstances.  Speaking up, letting the coach know what you want, why you want it, how you are working for it, and shouting out who you are on social media to the extent.  She says she doesn’t like to brag, I tell her no bragging is needed; just be you.  Add videos, let college coaches know where you’ll be and all the extra work you put in. Let me tell you, a college coach would be ever so thankful to have someone like my daughter on their team because she really can light up a court with her smile and die-hard passion.

And it has been pointed out before.  She doesn’t let her mistakes take her down. She recognizes them and works to change.

Geez, I sure hope a college coach gets to see this post. Lol!

I think I am done with that subject. Main point - I can’t fake my ability to understand exact details of teams, dynamics, skills and such, but my life has taken me through some tough times to help me to know how to use those times to make me a better person ... and how to speak up and go for what you want. All you can do is try.

12-17-23

Next day -

It is almost Christmas and I was not totally feeling it.  I decided to begin my medicine today.  I actually took one pill last night that helps stop the anxiety ‘on the spot’ and since I wake up feeling anxious I thought it might help me sleep and keep the heart from racing in the morning.

I then began the actual anti-anxiety pill around 11 a.m.  Took another ‘on the spot’ pill while at our shop Christmas party.  I get phobic at the shop and feel uptight at certain times.

To be honest, it was not a good day and also one of those days I should have just kept my mouth shut.  Sometimes the anxiousness of what my daughter is feeling when it comes to her sports, I take it on. I carry that weight on my shoulders - doesn't every parent do this?  And in a message I might have mentioned that if a player is going to be on a particular club team they should be doing all they can to improve outside of practices as well.  I guess I don’t understand a family that can pay over $3k to have a player on a team and not get their player to take it more serious.  It is so much money to invest.

After visiting with a few other seasoned sport moms who could relate, I felt better. As if my ideas were validated.

By the end of the night I was super tired.  I already felt clouded by the meds. Subdued. A dull headache.

I was told today by someone who was not happy with me … probably because I spoke up … That I have a dramatic life. I really had to sort that out in my head. Dramatic. Drama. You know, I’m kind of proud that I haven’t made anyone unhappy for a long time.  Not that I want to, it’s just that perhaps after all the years worth of crap we’ve been through, I just felt like sticking up for myself for once.

Anyway to address the drama comment?

I get up, do stuff at home, do things for work, write, read a devotion, prep for dinner, prep for practices, deal with car stuff, tend to appointments, I don’t talk to many people, I barely talk on group messages - although today it came out like word v. Hence my blog name fits well - Unmaking a Mess - but to have a dramatic life now? I don’t. What I won’t deal with is negativity or when someone talks about others. And I especially don’t want it done in front of my daughter because then her views may be skewed. I live by the rule that if we have complaints it is up to us to find solutions instead of just complaining. And oftentimes, we have to be the ones to model the behavior we wish to see in others. So, it might mean working your butt off.

I actually had my daughter watch the movie, Greater, about the walk-on football player for University of Arkansas.  Tremendous movie!  He was a strong example of someone who dealt with tons of negativity but he kept being himself and positive. He even got other players to attend bible studies.  I don’t know Gods plans for my daughter, but sometimes I do strongly believe He can place us in areas where we are uncomfortable in order to see how we handle it. So I told my daughter to forget about how someone talks about stuff and just keep being a hard worker and a player who can shine a light.

I have a life that I must deal with as a single parent. It is darn near impossible for me to have drama. My biggest drama lately was the car issue. Drama?  I know what that is like.  It is when two people cannot get along and each one has friends and family they go to with their problems. Or when alcohol is involved, it causes you to lose your filter. - Uh, I definitely know what that is like and talk about unmaking a mess. But having a dramatic life? I just live and face stuff that many homes deal with. I just face it on my own. Which is totally my choice. I may whine or complain, but it is on me.

I am ready to get this blog going and apply all these posts into it.

Thanks for reading!