my brain on social media

I have figured it out.

For starters I am feeling better. Sunday was quite amazing! I had not felt that good in forever.

Quick recap: Got up, coffee, church, garage sale (got a table for 10 bucks), return home, sat in living room with Clara who isn't feeling great, we had yogurt and berries, I read my book - Winning the War on Worry by Louie Giglio, fell asleep for about 20 minutes - slowly got up and ate some chips and went to work on the next room that needs organized and I kicked butt. All the while making chicken and noodles at same time.

Around 6:30 I hurried and finished so I could get a quick walk in.

Then suddenly our home was full again and got to spend time with all my daughters.

I brushed my teeth as soon as I got to my room so I wouldn't be tempted to have a snack which is a huge weakness of mine.

All 3 of my girls home and in their bedrooms.

I don't think they realize how important this is to me.

It is like we are together again but nothing like the together we had to become 7 years ago.

The entire story of our life is surreal. To see my daughters excelling in their life, moves my heart and all I can do is thank God for it.

Tonight, I realized something fairly commonplace.

My depression is situational. As in, the other day, I went through facebook and as I scrolled, I began removing all the political jargon on my feed.

Click. X. Remove. Block. And suddenly, all I see are posts now about Living Life, Being Content, Removing Toxicity and even posts that I've never seen before. Posts that make me laugh and smile.

It is absolutely unreal. And quite scary, if you think about it. Literally social media uses us and has all the ability to warp our brain.

I know removing all the political mud won't cure me completely, but the disengagement does provide me some relief.

The nap, productiveness, girls home and walk are all smart things I did Sunday.

I can honestly say, I have very rarely napped during the day. Super rarely. I seem to have in my mind, I should try to be awake for as much as possible.

I know getting more sleep would help me although, I'm not sure I will ever get to the point of going to bed at a 'decent' time.

Being single, I enjoy this quiet time in my room, watching Netflix, reading, writing and eating. That is my only drawback of staying up late.

As I wrote that my stomach started to growl as if it knows I am supposed to be feeding it around 10:30 at night. I simply cannot. I need to lose weight.

And go back to the thought process of getting strong mentality and physically.

I know many of you are saying, Darlene, this is so 'duh-worthy.' I am back to talking about removing stuff from social media. I know tons of you figured this out long ago.

I used to be able to handle seeing comments or pics on social media that I didn't always agree with. I would see it and perhaps 'like' the stuff I agreed with but when I see the stuff that is downright ridiculous, it causes me to think some pretty wretched stuff. Like, I cannot comprehend how someone believe certain things. And then I go down a rabbit hole in my mind. Invasive thoughts that in some aspects begin to make me wonder how to compete with such insanity. Only to realize, {sigh] this is not my job.

I am not placed on this earth to compete. People will think what they want and as I have experienced in my past, no matter how much I talk about my view, insist on stating facts, express my opinion .... you get the idea - a mind can only shift gears if we are open to it.

Hence, the feeling better today.

I think of years past and how I did all I could to convince people of otherwise. I think of all the emails I wrote. The texts I sent. The phone calls I made. The exhausting effort placed into futile situations. The time I wasted.

This does not mean, I am past all this effort. There are still moments when I feel the slight need to state a point ... but, even the thought of it, gives me a heavy exhausting feeling in my heart and mind. I think overtime, I did my share of 'stating points' and saw where it got me. It got me to the point of only making me bitter and stressed.

I am not sure I will ever be totally better. I do know who I have been in the past, and who I am now.

I want to go back to a time when exercise and eating better was important to me. Mostly the exercise is what I want to reinforce. My eating is not great, but for now I need to focus on the movement.

I went to social media to double check exactly what all is on my feed and came across a pastors post about what we see on social media and how that makes us who we are.

And it gave me a big ephiany - there are people out there who believe exposing yourself (not literally) to certain music, shows, people and such is not good for you - as it can 'infect' you. But the hypocrisy of this is, their feed is doing the same to them. They are in this 'echo chamber' that only provides one type of thought process. Which to me, does not allow us to open our hearts to other peoples lives and how they live. Learning in real time - real life - and introducing ourselves to a wide array of people keeps us cultured.

I love it. I love hearing about who other people are and what keeps them going.

I doubt I will ever get off social media, but I am realizing how much it affects my brain. Again, common sense.

I know I am writing about stuff that is absolutely sensible.

It takes me actually experiencing it and coming to my own conclusion to see the logic and reality.

And ... that is a good thing. I want to understand more of who I am and who I can be for others. I don't want to live in a 'echo chamber.' New words of the current time.

The 'EC' is Reality. Sad reality, but it doesn't have to be. Not if we realize how best to overcome it and be receptive to what we can learn from others.

We can still be who we are.