i shouldn't have been afraid

In my laying sick in bed stupor, my mind had plenty of time to do lap after lap of going through my life history.

From the past and beyond. At one point, I laid there and listened to sad songs and cried.

But one song in particular where he says, 'take your best shot, show me what you got honey, I'm not afraid.' Well, it really made me think of how brave some people are in the midst of a really tough time with someone they love who is going through some serious inner demons. And, I cried. I cried because I thought of a time when I should not have been afraid. Being afraid of the ridicule you'll face from 'others' because you are only trying to help someone they 'love' will only cause you regrets later. This. I. Know.

All I can do now is ask for forgiveness from myself and Jesus. He already knew the outcome.

For me, I laid in bed thinking of the years I would speak up or the years I fell silent. And the balance between the two.

Most of all, I thought of how people made me feel when I did speak up for what I knew was wrong. Now, I know and can help others to be strong in their convictions and when their gut (the Holy Spirit) is telling them, something is drastically wrong. Go forward, do not be afraid, for I am with you. Deuteronomy 31:8

So, I tell you, go forward, be not afraid to speak up for someone you love when you know they are harming themselves in someway. Regardless of what others think of you.

Because if others are only getting upset at you because you are speaking up, that likely says more about them than it does you. And, sometimes, they are part of the problem. If you help someone, they no longer will have that person to join them in their own misery. Now, that is the real problem. Which, is not yours.

Pray, listen and help.

I shouldn’t have been afraid

In the midst of anger and frustration there is still a person crying for help

In the midst of anger and hurt there is this thought that nobody knows how we feel

In the midst of anger and resentment there is pointing fingers not realizing how much it hurts the other person

In the midst of anger and fear is the unknown so we lash out not thinking how this affects the other one

And yet …

There is the known.

When you notice the only emotion you ever see is a smile that deep in your heart you know is hiding something.

The happiness you see in someone because they are surrounded by the anger, frustration, hurt, resentment

The avoidance to things that hurt them

And that avoidance draws them to the bottle that takes away all those things … pain, anger, frustration, fear, resentment

I shouldn’t have been afraid

Not afraid to say more. Not afraid to push harder for help. Not afraid to embrace more. Not afraid of the ridicule you feel when you stand up for something you know is causing harm.

Not afraid to challenge it has been this way for years …. Why change now.

Because you don’t want to be afraid when you know it will save a life.